Howdy, campers! Welcome back to the latest installment of everyone’s favorite petty gossip rag, Am I the Literary Asshole?, a column that does NOT currently require a payment plan! I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m excited to say that we’ve officially entered into “meteorological fall,” which I think means that if I see my shadow, I get five more seasonal craft beers. Incredible!

Since it’s technically autumn (I say this as I check the temperature outside in Florida and see that it’s currently clocking in at  89 degrees), why don’t we enjoy one of those aforementioned seasonal brews while we check out today’s quandaries? They’ve got a quaint spiced flavor and a picture of a cartoon pumpkin on the label! CUTE!

Here we go, locked and loaded:

1) Hi Dad, long time reader, 2nd time questioner. I’m a sometimes poet who has had a little bit of work published but, of course, would like some more. I need to know if I’m the literary arsehole, if I don’t really “polish” my work? Don’t get me wrong, I reread and change or correct as I see appropriate, but I don’t feel a poem—or any writing really—needs to be “high sheen.” In fact, all the work I’ve had published has been off the cuff and the stuff I’ve worked on—in one case, for almost two years, has been rejected as “needs more work.” I’ve also had my work professionally assessed and it seems to reach the proper standard, so I’m no longer sure. Am I an arsehole, or just lazy? Or neither, just not very good (I don’t expect you to answer that—how could you?)

First of all, love the idea that people are coming back for a second round of answers! I must be doing something right!

Now, when it comes to your question, I’m going to unpack things here a little before we dig into the meat of things. “Polish” is the word you’ve used here, but I think it’s possible that you ARE, in fact, doing the very thing that you said you were not doing. If you admit that you “reread and change and correct” your work when you’re in your document and tooling around, then I would argue that you ARE polishing it. “High sheen” is a very interesting word choice here, too. It’s possible that by “polishing” or “high sheen” you mean you don’t do several rounds of intense drafts (i.e. “working_title_draft_2782178_FINAL_ real _FINAL FINAL_forrealthistime_FINAL.docx]. That’s not unusual, though!

Many writers—myself included—stick inside one original document and fiddle around with that work until it sticks. I like things to feel off the cuff so that I can surprise myself. That’s when I generally get work that I like best from myself. Then I fine tune it (like how you mentioned in your letter). I clean up the language, look at the sentences, essentially “polish” it up. But for the most part, the work stays the same.

If you ask anyone, they’re going to tell you some variation of a working strategy. Some people have multiple drafts, others don’t. Some people need lots of eyes on work, while other people prefer to keep it hidden until it’s completely done. In all honesty, it’s totally possible to sit for years in a draft and just keep moving the same words around into infinity. The reality is that clean up in never “done.” We reach a point where we say that the story or essay or poem is complete because it’s gotten the closest to the ideal we were trying to create. “Polish” (or whatever you want to call it) is simply the amount YOU need to do as the writer to consider the draft done.

It’s possible that I’m misunderstanding what you’re writing to me about, but from what I see here, I don’t think you’re being a lazy writer. If you’re making things that you think stand firmly on their own two feet, then you’re doing the work that you should be doing. And that’s not asshole behavior!

Crush the can, grab another beer! Time for our second caller:

2) Dear Dad, I know it would be healthy to do so, but I can’t let go of my literary grudge. I don’t think it drives me to write nor have I really checked in to see what my archenemy is up to, but I still think of him as such. My last interaction with him was over ten years ago now and the unfounded (my opinion) praise that was showered on his work then when he didn’t need it (already had a book,) I think, has forever shaped my opinion of this person. What’s worse, some writers I admire have read with this person in more recent times and I think hold him in at least good regard. Am I the literary asshole because I can’t “let it gooooo?”

Hi friend! Thanks for writing in with this question.

Literary grudges! Even if we don’t currently have one of our own, we’re all familiar with them. They can crop up from any number of scenarios: someone stole another person’s story idea, one writer talked shit about another writer’s work, a person took the last glass of white wine at the free AWP poets & writers bar, the list goes on and on and on. I don’t know what sparked yours (aside from something vague about unfounded praise), but the results are the same. It has left you with some residual beef that you are unable to shake; a decade of sipping some very potent haterade.

Here’s the thing: it doesn’t sound all that unhealthy to me! You’re not fixated on this person. It doesn’t “drive you to write.” You’ve admitted that you haven’t checked in on them (no social stalking, no goodreads peeks, no light gossip (or heavy gossip) with other literary friends. From the sound of it, you haven’t had ANY interactions with them outside of the ones that spawned your original dislike. And it was truly a while ago!

So I’m going to be gentle when I tell you this: I think the real reason you’re writing to me is because you want to stop disliking them. It’s possible that you might even want to START liking them! From what you’ve written here, there’s no real reason for the literary grudge. They haven’t told you something nasty or been mean to someone you care about. They’re not a jerk. Some of your friends even like this person! It’s possible that you want to see what’s good in them, too. If you didn’t, you’d be engaging in more serious petty fixations, like Instagram lurking or group text slams.

You’re perfectly within your right to keep on grudging it up with this individual. But if you want to let it go, I think it’s going to be easier than you think. Whenever they do pop up in your mind, start supplementing that blind hatred with a single question: why do I feel upset with this person right now? If the answer is continually “no good reason,” your brain is going to slowly but surely get you out of this diabolical mindset. It forces you to turn the mirror on yourself. Soon you won’t have any feeling for them at all! And you know what? Great! Get back that valuable real estate. Focus on something worthy of your time (like your own work). Good luck, buddy!

Pumpkin spicy! Another beer and our last question!

3) Hi Kristen,

I have a need to know if I am the literary asshole in the following situation: I was innocently perusing Goodreads when I came across this phrase/description…

“From TikTok star (my emphasis) and the author of [REDACTED TITLE AND AUTHOR NAME], a reflection on [REDACTED BOOK DESCRIPTION].”

Am I the literary asshole for (a) throwing up in my mouth a little when I happen upon the phrase ‘TikTok Star’ and (b) wondering what the hell being a TikTok star (real or imagined) positively contributes to a published book?

Wowza, we’re going out on a showstopper!

I’ve been doing this column for quite some time now and it’s interesting to note that we haven’t yet touched on much of the social media aspect that sits inside the publishing circus. As an aside, I redacted any content that might reveal who this person is and what book they’re publishing. I think the social stuff stands on its own without dragging a bystander into the mix.

To start off, no, I don’t think you’re an asshole for thinking this is a little weird.

But! (come on, we knew that was coming)

It’s hard to get noticed in the literary world. It’s incredibly likely that the publicity team who is running this person’s book account is the one who came up with that copy, not the individual who wrote the book. And as we all know, people are trying anything and everything to get their book on anyone’s radar. More and more books are getting published with far fewer critics around the review them. A large social media following is one place where people get noticed. Does it make the book any better if the person is good at making very short videos? Probably not. Is being a “Tik Tok Star” and social media famous a reason a person might get a book deal? Yes, absolutely.

That’s all just the marketing, though. We know that sitting down and writing a book, crafting it, and editing it is something else entirely. So when you read something that makes you a little sick to your stomach when it comes to marketing and publicity, just remember it’s in pursuit of sales, not art. And maybe grab some antacid, just to be safe.

And that’s all the time we have for today, folks! Join me next time when I answer more of your bold questions and I also search fruitlessly for that damn cask of amontillado.

Send me your anonymous questions!

Poe-tically,
Dad

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Are you worried you’re the literary asshole? Ask Kristen via email at AskKristen@lithub.com, or anonymously here.