Cover Snark: Orc Taylor Lautner

Welcome back to Cover Snark!

Engulfing Emma by Samantha Christy. A shirtless firefighter in suspenders and wearing some weird combo of helmet and face mask. Steamy smoke swirls around his crotch.

From MegCat: I didn’t know “Liar, liar, pants on fire” was quite this literal.

Sarah: Poor person. EVERYONE can see when an air biscuit hath been floated.

Poor Emma, engulfed in fart.

Elyse: Okay but where is his head?

Sarah: The helmet is cropped in such a way that it looks like he’s wearing a big Daft Punk mask?

Amanda: It’s 10 o’ clock. Do you know where your Emmas are? Everyone please check on your local Emmas!

Legion by Tia Didmon. A shirtless man appears to be sloughing off crispy gold flakes. The background is just a bunch of orange flames and a small golden dragon is flying away behind him. The subtitle refers to this as a dragon rules novel.

From Carole: Trope combo of emerging man-titty and dragon OMG gold lame glitter bomb?

Thought those were his pitiful crooked wings at first, instead of them belonging to the cadaverous dragon. Can’t wait to see the comments on this one.

Sarah: I thought those were his wings, too! And I want to get this person some Eucerin immediately.

Lara: I think Zendaya wore that outfit to the Dune 2 press call.

Amanda: What are the “dragon rules”?

Sarah: “NO moisturizer EVER” is probably in the top 3, which is a shame.

Rescued by Her Monster Mercenaries by Sabrina Silvers. Two monster men! One has a bull's head and is wearing leather straps and a bronze codpiece. He has an axe. The other is a green orc man with long black hair, wearing black leather straps across his chest and a matching black codpiece.

From Leslie: Talk about B-rated horror movie villains along with B-rated photoshop. Did they shop at “The Cod Piece Emporium?”

Sarah: Do I want to visit Cod Piece Emporium to see how many I can identify from looking at decades of romance covers? Yes. Yes, I do.

Also, the top right green dude – does that look like Taylor Lautner (Twilight variety)?

Lara: He’s giving major Jacob from twilight vibes, if Jacob were an alien from Ancient Rome.

A Duke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away by Emily EK Murdoch. A heavily biceped man is standing over a woman on a couch. He is grabbing her neck/jaw. What looks to be a disembodied, white gloved hand is reaching from the right side of the cover to grab his wrist. It's most likely the heroine's. The cover mentions that this is part of the dragon blade series.

Jazzlet: I have concerns what is going on with his enormous upper arms and shoulders yet slim, almost tiny wrists?

Who does the white gloved hand holding his right wrist belong to?

How is her head connected to that body?

I am disturbed by all of these questions.

Elyse: What the actual fuck is happening to this woman?

Sarah: I think Calgon is taking her away

Tara: Is she alive?

Maya: It’s a historical m/f/disembodied gloved hand plus also, somehow, dragons.

Source link