August 21, 2024, 1:08pm

Archaeologists estimate that humans invented writing around 3200 B.C.E. Archaeologists also estimate that soon after, around 3190 B.C.E., humans began wondering if it’s a bad idea to date a writer.

“Should I ask out Ninimma? Even though she’s a cuneiform writer?” asked our Sumerian ancestors. And still today, the same questions haunt us.

Writers can be intelligent and interesting, sure, but they can also often be found cowering in garrets. Not to mention that dating a writer can get very messy. What to do? Hopefully this list of pros and cons can help you or a friend, as we get closer to cuffing season.

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Pro: Writers tend to be fairly self-sufficient, and are content to be alone with their thoughts.

Con: Solitude isn’t optional: they’ll need a lot of time alone to work, i.e. stare out of windows and moan.

Pro: You’ll look cool at parties introducing your partner as a writer. People perk up when they get to ask writers things like, “What are you working on?” and “What’s your take on the Oxford comma?” and “Will you read my terrible manuscript?”

Con: Writers hate these questions.

Pro: The birthday cards you get from a writer will be very touching.

Con: You won’t be able to attend a wedding without hearing a writer’s catty and judgmental notes on wedding speeches and vows.

Pro: You’ll never want for great suggestions for what book to read next.

Con: You’re going to have to hear a lot about the book a writer recommends to you, and there will be many follow-up conversations about it.

Pro: Writers can help you polish your work emails into beautiful little gems.

Con: Writers’ income is often embarrassingly low—unless you date the wealthy and continually in-print Clive Cussler.

Con: Novelist and prolific shipwreck discoverer Clive Cussler died in 2020.

Pro: Writers want to understand the world, people, and relationships, and have a curiosity that makes them fascinating companions. Writers are observant, pointing out little things that will make day-to-day life richer and more interesting.

Con: A writer will always notice when you have something in your teeth, but will forget to tell you about it because they’ve drifted off in thought, wondering if that bit of stuck broccoli is a metaphor or representative of something about your character.

Pro: It can be inspiring to be around someone so dedicated to their craft.

Con: It can be depressing to be around someone so dedicated to toiling in obscurity.

Pro: Writers tend to have strong beliefs and opinions, and are passionate about their taste and their views.

Con: If you date a writer who is too online, they will get you way too embroiled in petty and obscure lit world dramas. You’ll become deeply invested in who is negatively reviewing whom, and will be able to spot Pamela Paul subtweets from a mile away.

Pro: Writers have a gift for magical thinking (complimentary).

Con: Writers have a gift for magical thinking (derogatory).

Pro: A lot of writers have very nice stationary, and if you’re very nice, they may let you borrow some of it—emphasis on “may.”

Con: Writers can be obsessive, and are liable to do things like try to write a whole book without using the letter “E” or spend months in granular and intensive research about postwar Italian typewriters.

Pro: Aw, they might write something about you!

Con: Oh god, they might write something about you.